From My Inbox: For Catholics Only

Received this tongue-in-cheek email today. Really pretty funny. Anything ring true?

This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: a liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
KNEELER: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PEW: See Kneeler.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

December 29 - Augustine Day by Day

A Great Event
Now the Lord established a civilization into which to be born, just as He created a mother from whom to be born. These events we have all celebrated in song.
This He has done who raises up the poor to place them in the company of princes. This is a great event, a great joy! Commentary on Psalm 86, 7-8

Prayer: Let Christ help you, the Son of the Virgin and the spouse of vigins, physically born of the virginal womb and spiritually joined in virginial marriage! Holy Virginity 2, 2

December 25 - Augustine Day by Day

It is Christ's Birthday!
Rejoice you who are just. It is the birthday of Him who justifies. Rejoice you who are weak and sick. It is the birthday of Him Who makes people well. Rejoice you who are in captivity. It is the birthday of the Redeemer. rejoice you who are slaves. it is the birthday of the Master.
Rejoice you who are free. It is the birthday of Him Who makes us free. Rejoice all you Christians. It is Christ's birthday. Sermon 184, 2

Prayer: Let us devoutly celebrate this day, For just as the first ones to share our faith adored Christ lying in the manger, let us adore Him reigning in heaven. Sermon 203, 3

2006 St. Mark Christmas Program

Here's a short video of the kids in last night's school Christmas Program.

Nicholas the Alter Boy

This morning at the Children's Mass, Nicholas had the ooportunity to be an Alter Boy for the first time. He's been wanting to do this for some time and finally had the opportunity. He did a great job!

Happy Birthday Kathy!

Happy Birthday to my wife, Kathy. Today she celebrates four decades of being alive!

Holy Father, please bless Kathy. Help her to have a great year and grow in Your grace. Thank you for letting us know Kathy. Help us all grow in love and faith. Help us all to praise You and give You glory through Jesus Christ our Lord.

December 13th: Lucia's Day

Today is the feast of St. Lucia, or St. Lucy of Syracuse. It is a national holiday in Sweden, where my wife's paternal family is from, so every year my wife makes these delicious little Lucia buns (click here for a recipe, not my wife's, though...) for family and friends.

I went to the children's Mass this morning and Fr. Jim spoke of St. Lucy in his homily. He also explained that while he normally would wear red on a feast day of a martyr, he was wearing purple because Advent takes precedence over a feast day of a martyr. He went on to explain that when Bishop Gainer celebrated the children's Mass last Friday, he was wearing white because it was the Feast of the Immaculate Conception which takes precedence over Advent. Once he explained his vestment colors he tied in very nicely St. Lucia's life and martyrdom with the Gospel for the day.

Here's a prayer to St. Lucia I copied from this site:

Saint Lucy, your beautiful name signifies light. By the light of faith which God bestowed upon you, increase and preserve this light in my soul so that I may avoid evil, be zealous in the performance of good works, and abhor nothing so much as the blindness and the darkness of evil and of sin.

By your intercession with God, obtain for me perfect vision for my bodily eyes and the grace to use them for God's greater honor and glory and the salvation of all men.

Saint Lucy, virgin and martyr, hear my prayers and obtain my petitions. Amen.

Have a great day!

Minute Meditations - November 12

Scripture
"Do not cast me aside in my old age; as my strength fails, do not forsake me."
(Ps 71:9)

Reflection
"Do not wait for old age to offer yourself to God.
Offer Him the flower of your youth, which will be pleasing to Him and which He will accept with the greatest of love."
- St. Catherine of Siena

Prayer
God of all ages, grant that I may give myself to You at every age of my life - youth, adulthood, and old age. Then in my old age continue to take care of me.
- Every Day is a Gift

Tags: Minute Meditations

Minute Meditations - November 11

Scripture
"In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus."
(1 Thes 5:18)

Reflection
"Ingratitude is the enemy of our immortal souls.
Ingratitude empties our souls of merit, scatters their virtues, and deprives them of graces."
- St. Bernard

Prayer
Almighty Father, help me to show gratitude to You for all the good things You have done for me. Let me also be grateful to all those who help me on my earthly pilgrimage to Your heavenly Kingdom.
- Every Day is a Gift

Tags: Minute Meditations

From My Inbox: You Are So Blessed

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won't survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the lonliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of the 20 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this post, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways you may never know.

Kinda puts things into perspective, don't it?


Tags: From My Inbox

From My Inbox: What Jesus Was Called

He had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
Feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us.


Tags: From My Inbox

Family Rosary Time

My 8 year-old daughter, Rebecca, came to me last week and asked, "Daddy, why don't we pray the rosary at home?"

I replied, "Would you like to pray the rosary at home as a family?"

She answered, "Yes. We pray the Hail Mary at school every morning and since we all have rosaries I thought we could do it together as a family."

Since we always try to make time to have dinner together as a family every evening, I told her I would work out a way we could all say the rosary after dinner each night. I talked with her about the decades and the mysteries and what the rosary really means. She and I worked out the following plan:

We would say a decade a night, focusing on a mystery per week. For example, the first week of each month we would say the Joyful Mysteries, one mystery per evening, Monday through Friday. The second week we would focus on the Luminous Mysteries, the third would be Sorrowful, the fourth, Glorious.

We decided that each member of the family would lead the prayers each evening: I on Monday, Kathy on Tuesday, Nicholas on Wednesday, Rebecca on Thursday and Emily on Friday.

We started last Thursday and the kids love it. They get a blanket and sit or lay on the floor and get quiet. They say the prayers with such reverence and awe and with the innocence of children. It's inspiring to both my wife and I.

These few minutes of quiet prayer as a family really sets the tone for the rest of the evening.

Why didn't we say the rosary at home before this? It's hard to find time in between homework and practices and games and meetings and all the running around we do. It was exactly what we needed at a time when we think we are in control of things and shut God out - intentionally or not.

So take time each day to pray. Quiet yourself and talk with the Lord. It's amazing how much better everything will be.

Minute Meditations - October 14

Scripture
"For God is the one who, for his good purpose, works in you both to desire and to work."
(Phil 2:13)

Reflection
"Let us ask God's help before doing anything.
If we acted in this way, we would perform wonders, for it would be God acting always in us."
- St. Peter Julian Eymard

Prayer
Heavenly Father, let me call upon Your help before undertaking to do anything in my life. Grant that I may be so united with You that Your grace may always bring forth good fruit.
- Every Day is a Gift

Tags: Minute Meditations

From My Inbox: Happy Fall

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

Have a Happy Fall - my favorite time of the year.

Tags: From My Inbox

Kids' School Pictures

The kids' new school pictures are at Parties and Pictures

Dreams - by Nicholas Norton

A poem written for 5th grade class as part of a butterfly project:


Dreams
By Nicholas Norton
September 7, 2006

As I sit there watching a butterfly
Flutter by,
I begin to wonder -
"What if I could fly?"
Oh, I know how my heart would sing
If I could take to the wing!

And I thought about all the wonderous things
I could do if I had wings.

But alas!
That dream will fade.

That's not the way I was made.

But wait!
Dreams can come true!

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Mom! I hope you have a great day!.

Holy Father, please bless my mom. Help her to have a great year and grow in Your grace. Thank you for letting us know her. Help us all grow in love and faith. Help us all to praise You and give You glory through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

From My Inbox: Recall Notice

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will
Have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!
GOD

Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".


Tags: From My Inbox

Madonna on NBC

From the news media and Catholic Fire:

Following the lead of Rosie O'Donnell and ABC, NBC has decided to join in the bashing of Christians by airing a Madonna special in November. A specific date has not been released. In the show, Madonna, wearing a fake crown of thorns, descends on a suspended mirrored, disco ball-type cross. When some Christian leaders complained about the mockery, NBC ignored their concerns.

Making mockery of the crucifixion of Christ has been a trademark of Madonna for many years. In 1989 she had a video for the hit song "Like A Prayer." The video featured burning crosses, statues crying blood and Madonna--representing Jesus--freeing a saint from his sexual repression by seducing him. This is the same Madonna who once said, "Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them."

Kevin Reilly, an executive at NBC, said Madonna considered the scene mocking the crucifixion of Christ the highlight of her show. "We (NBC) viewed it and didn't see it as being inappropriate." Madonna considers mocking the crucifixion of Jesus the highlight of her show and NBC agrees.

The American Family Association has a petition here if you want to send emails. I have sent one to NBC's Chairman John Wright and the president of our local NBC affiliate, WLEX-TV.

Minute Meditations - September 17

Scripture
"So then, my beloved, obedient as you have always been, not only when I am present but all the more now when I am absent, work out your salvation with fear and trembling."
(Phil 2:12)

Reflection
"You have been created for the glory of God and your own eternal salvation. ...This is your goal; this is the center of your life; this is the treasure of your heart.
If you reach the goal, you will find happiness. If you fail to reach it, you will find misery."
- St. Robert Bellarmine

Prayer
Heavenly Father, teach me to do everything for Your honor and glory. Grant me the grace to work out my salvation with anxious concern each day of my life.
- Every Day is a Gift

Tags: Minute Meditations